Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thankful

The holidays got here quickly this year. I realize that makes no sense whatsoever and makes me sound like a complete moron who doesn’t understand the way time works (I actually don’t fully understand time, to be honest, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t speed up when I stop paying attention). But really, it seems as if one day we were unpacking our van from the cross country road trip in hot July weather and the next day there was snow on the ground, sub-zero temperatures in the air and Christmas music on the radio.

It’s a scary, volatile time at my house. There’s a lot of change in the air without a lot of control. Change and loss of control are two things that make Mr. W and me very grumpy. We know it’s all for the best and that we’ll be much happier (and hopefully better off in every way) once it’s over. In the meantime, it sucks. And there’s nothing we can do about the sucking except wait it out and see how it goes.

Still, this is the time of year when we’re supposed to reflect on all the good and give thanks for the blessings in our lives. Thanksgiving means even more to me this year since I’ve recently explored Plymouth and saw where it all began (for us white people who stole the land, anyway, not the lovely indigenous folks who were here already…sorry). And even though right now my life is scary and stressful, at best, I’m still thankful.

I’m thankful for all those things I normally take for granted like a car than runs, a house that stays warm when it’s -7 outside and the fact that I have access to clean water. It’s so easy to get caught up in wanting the best of everything that you forget that some people have none of those things. I’m thankful that even when money has gotten tight, we’ve always managed to come up with what we need when we need it.

I’m thankful that, even though things are stressful and uncertain right now, I finally have a clear direction I want my life to take. Things are clearer for both my husband and me now than they’ve been in a long time. It’s going to be s struggle, there are no guarantees and we’ve had to put some things on hold, but instead of resisting change, I’m going to embrace it and see what happens. The goals we have are intimidating and difficult and at times not fun. But I’m excited and will take the bad right along with the good and be grateful to be taking the chance.

I’m thankful that time really does seem to heal all things, even old hurts and grudges. I recently reconnected with an old friend and some might think I’m crazy for forgiving her for the past, but I just can’t perpetually punish people once my anger runs out, especially those I truly love. I hope one day it can be this way with everyone I’m estranged from. I am also thankful for that hope.

I’m extremely thankful for my health. It’s easy to complain about the little aches and pains, the minor injuries, the extra ten pounds that show up at the worst possible times, but overall, my health has been good and I’m so grateful just to be able to walk and to face my days without any major illness.

I’m thankful for my amazing support system… my husband and my best friends who, no matter what crazy ideas I throw at them, just shrug and have faith in me. I’m thankful for my family who even in all their faults are angels compared to some of the horror stories I hear. I’m thankful for the friends I’ve made recently who feel as if they should’ve been in my life all along.

I’m thankful for where the roads took me in 2010 and where they’re taking me in 2011. Perhaps more than anything, I’m thankful for learning that it never is too late to change your entire life. You just have to leap. 

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