Tuesday, January 3, 2012

2012: Live the questions

I believe in a lot of crazy things, so it’s no surprise that I believe this: New Year’s Eve tends to set the tone for the entire following year. I realize that belief puts an enormous amount of stress on a person to have a great effing time on that particular day, but previous experience has led me to believe there’s something to it.

I think back on the weirdest New Year’s Eve of my life and realize just how incredibly bizarre the following year was. I think of my best New Year’s Eve and what followed was the best year of my life. And I think of last New Year’s Eve, which was an absolute roller coaster from beginning to end. And that’s exactly what 2011 was for me: a roller coaster from the first day to the last day.

2011 was a beautiful, terrifying, rewarding, disappointing, joyful, fast-paced, all around crazy year. I spent a lot of time laughing with pure joy and a lot of time sobbing hysterically in a fetal position on my bathroom floor. Sometimes these things happened on the same day. I finally came to accept the roller coaster and make peace with the fact that every morning I’d wake up not knowing what kind of day I was going to have. Eventually it stopped being scary and just started being a part of life.

2011 was a lot more than a move. My priorities, my outlook and my very core belief system shifted dramatically. I was brought up to believe that you finish school, you get one job, you buy a house and you stay in it for the rest of your life. And it took that damn road trip for me to realize that I am not that person at all. Not even close. I am grateful that I managed to escape that mindset and come to that realization while I was still in my twenties, but it wasn’t without some bumps in the road. Some hardcore bumps. Huge bumps with spikes on them.

But looking back on every terrifying moment, I’ve realized that every major thing we needed to fall into place did… and just in the nick of time. As I reflect, I see that every time we truly needed something to happen, it did. Even the bad things that happened could’ve been so much worse. Despite all the crap, I’ve realized just how blessed Mr. W and I really are. And that makes any terrifying moment I have now a little easier to deal with. I’ve learned to let go of expectations and just go with it, whatever “it” may be.

More than anything else, I’ve learned I have some real, true, amazing friends that I can count on in good times and bad. That’s hard to come by in life and I’m so grateful. And if this New Year’s Eve and the few days that have followed are any indication of the year to come, I’m in for an amazing 12 months. There’s been music, dancing, kisses, beach walks, mojitos, sushi, holding babies and catching up with old and new friends. And love. So much love.

This is a milestone year, and not just for the ancient Mayans. I’m about to turn 30 and that’s just the beginning. It’s almost as if the last year and its ups and downs were preparing me for this one. And I’m starting to realize that that’s the way life works. Each experience we endure, good and bad, tends to prepare us for what’s to come. And good or bad, I can’t wait to see what 2012 has in store for me and everyone I love.

I started 2011 feeling so lost. And as I start 2012, I’m so relieved because I don’t feel lost anymore. And that doesn’t mean I’ve figured it all out—quite the opposite, actually. I haven’t figured out a damned thing but I’ve realized that’s okay. I don’t know what I’ll want in the future, but I know what I want now. It’s taken me my entire life to start doing what I always tell others to do: live the questions.

Live the questions in 2012. Don’t worry when things don’t go according to plan. Sometimes they’ll go better. Sometimes they won’t go well at all. And if you let yourself just live them, you really will end up stronger no matter what.


Genevieve said...

I love this! Last year, I started New Years Eve day on the right foot, at a football game with friends, and it was fun. Then I spent the night alone, sleeping. The beginning of the year was filled with fun; then I met someone, and probably fell in love. Then my aunt died, as did my relationship, and I ended the year alone, sad, scared and heartbroken. I decided to make changes. My 2012 New Years Eve was fun, and filled with friends. I was a bit happy, and I spent the day hung over, but then spent the afternoon with friends, and New Years Night, I watched a movie and laughed my arse off. So I hope that my year is filled with friendships, stability, laughter, and progress. That's all I want, to progressively get better!

JessicaLee said...

I think your 2012 will be full of love and laughter! :)

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