Monday, July 2, 2012

Seven years, zero dull moments

It’s late in the evening of my 7th wedding anniversary. I’m sitting alone at my dining room table eating pasta and salad and half-listening to something on The Discovery Channel. It was supposed to be a beautiful, sunny 73 degree day. We were supposed to sip a bottle of champagne on our rooftop while watching the sun set and grilling our dinner.

Instead, my husband of the better part of a decade (WOW) is asleep on the couch suffering from an awful case of tonsillitis. I’m fighting it off myself. I feel fatigued and achy. But so far my body is winning its battle and I am in far better shape than he is.

I should be depressed. Maybe disappointed. After all, this day is pretty legendary. One year ago I was sitting inside the Can Can with my love and two of our best friends in the world on an incredible night out. Two years ago I was sipping overpriced champagne in Las Vegas, leaving a glitter trail down the strip with my husband that I’d just married again in a vow renewal ceremony. And seven years ago I was at my wedding reception, feeling overwhelmed at the feeling of having almost everyone I loved in the same room.

But I’m not depressed or disappointed. All I am is happy. Because my husband might be sick as a dog today and incapable of taking me on a fancy date or even taking the dog outside, but he’s here. He’s with me, and we’re together. And over the last six months, I’ve realized exactly how special that really is. He’s here, we still enjoy being married to each other and we still genuinely love each other. I know that’s rare. I’m not taking it for granted.

Our relationship is so wonderfully weird and so suited to us both. It’s not perfect, but it’s pretty damned awesome because we want it to be and we put the effort in to make it that way. And no matter what it holds, I am so much better for having known him. I know how special that is, too.

I know him pretty well by now. I know that in a couple of days when the antibiotics do their thing and he’s back to being himself, he’s actually going to apologize for this. He’ll think that somehow he let me down, because that’s the kind of man he is. Every time he struggles in life or things are less than perfect, he feels like he’s disappointing me. He loves me so much that he wants to be a better man… for me.

I hope I can spend the next seven years or so showing him that the opposite is true. All I see is how far he’s come and how much he does to try and make me happy. I have the best friends I could ever ask for and an incredibly wonderful family, but no one has ever shown me the level of kindness that he has. And for that, I can never be disappointed in him. But I can give him my heart and my love, always.

But in the meantime, I am going to sit here alone as he sleeps and I am going to eat a shit ton of cookies. Because if there was ever an excuse to go on a sugar bender, this is it— and I am not taking that for granted either.


Stevie said...

Happy anniversary, you two! I hope in seven years, my marriage is as strong as yours :-)

Hope you both get better soon!

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